A strange thing has happened. I usually have no problem falling asleep (staying asleep is a whole other issue!) but tonight I just couldn't drop off. Weirder still I realised I kept smiling to myself! In the end I have had to get up and tidy some stuff up in my room. Still not 100% tidy but I don't want to bang around too much and wake my daughter up!
I was sent a video earlier. Initially I thought it was a bit weird but I soon realised why my friend had sent me the link. I got two clear messages from the video.
1. It's more important to "be" than to "do".
2. I need to ignore the negative voice in my head. I need to tune out of "Shit FM".
You can view the video I was sent here.
I plan to watch it again, probably more than once, because it just struck me that it's actually very easy to be more positive but it does take a little effort. But surely it's worth it? And over time it will get easier. And possibly second nature.
A few weeks ago, while playing a silly game with friends, the question arose "which cartoon character do I remind you of?" I was dismayed that I reminded my friends of (amongst others) Eeyore. Always thought of myself more as Tigger. Thinking about it I realised they were right. And that was perhaps one of the catalysts for this need to change. In fact thinking about it I can pinpoint a few things that have happened in recent months that have brought me to this point.
Perhaps it's coincidental that I have recently (well, yesterday!) started to physically record positive things from my day. I've done it mentally before but writing it down seems to serve better and hopefully will remind me in the dark days that there are positive things in my life. This was triggered by the quotation "Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder." I can be the Queen of doom sometimes and this does nobody any good. My aim is to turn this around and be more positive. And if this positivity gets passed on to other people that can only be a good thing.
It would be dull if it was easy and I know I'll fall off the horse sometimes but I'm trying to do something to silence that negative voice within that's been so loud for a few years. I'm not trying to change the world but I have a very good friend who reminds me... "small steps..." :-)
I know this is a "doing" thing but I hope that it will be an impetus to my "being". A change I behaviour and thinking. A more optimistic outlook on life. Less burying my head in the sand. More dealing with things. A clearer conscience.
On that note I'm hoping that I'll sleep now!
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