...and now here I am in the small hours of the morning. I blame my good friend Vicky entirely for this. At dinner with friends this evening she said I should be writing more. I'm not entirely sure this is what she meant but I'll blame her anyway!
Something that struck me over the course of the evening is how far I've come. Sure I've been told I've come a long way but I think it's one of those things that you have to realise yourself to truly appreciate it. I'm beginning to self analyse with a bit more objectiveness (or is it objectivity?) and rationalise a lot more. Maybe all the therapy really is beginning to filter through!
I'm becoming more open. Some people may laugh when I say I'm getting better at talking! I think I've always been a chatterbox but if I'm honest I've mostly been spouting a load of rubbish! Now I'm more able to say how I feel and feel confidence that my opinion is valid and if someone disagrees with me or vice versa, it won't affect our relationship. Very possibly a side effect of talking therapies, probably because I am listened to.
I've made some good friends on my journey and in a way this evening was a celebration of new friends. Not necessarily very recent but friends who have become so in the past few years and I hope will continue with me. I used to measure friendship in terms of years but I recognise how untrue that can be. Yes some of my "oldest" friends are very good friends but so are some of my newer friends. I've learned to let go of some people but also not to hold on too tight to others. That is a whole other post!
I can see lots of windows of opportunity right now. As I typed that I laughed to myself. This is NOT what I was thinking yesterday! But having pulled myself out of my insular little nest, and opening my eyes wide, I can see so many possibilities. I posted on Facebook recently - "Hold on - God knows what He's doing". He's got a plan. He waits so patiently for me to finish trying to do things my way (though that is a great song!) then points me in the right direction. This is such a time. He waited for me to have my strop and wobble yesterday then lit up the neon "THIS WAY" sign. He works through my lovely friends and their wisdom and advice. He works through my thought processes. He works through ways I can't even fathom. That's pretty amazing!
So I know I hadn't written for a while before tonight; part of that is because I had so much I wanted to write I felt completely overwhelmed (as my close friends will testify, when that happens I bury my head in the sand and do nothing!), part of it is because I didn't know where to start and part of it is because I've not really had time to sit quietly and reflect. So thank you Vicky, for consciously or otherwise willing me to write tonight. Maybe this will open the floodgates for all the other things I want to say.
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