Mothers will get this. Sometimes depression is like labour. When you're in the midst of the pain it can be all-consuming and you can't see an end to it. But when it's over and you're holding your baby, the pain (or at least the intensity of it) becomes a distant memory.
I've had a great few weeks. Have felt invigorated, determined, refreshed, motivated. Depression was far away. How could I ever feel that bad? Life is too good to want to waste it! But there have been some lows too within that time where all hope felt far away. How could I ever feel that happy? What's the point of it all anyway?
Nearly 2 years ago I stood on a bridge crying. Life was hurting me. I couldn't find any strength. I felt that the cold water below held the answer. I was ready to leave everything behind. But something stopped me. The fear of failure. The fear of being saved. The fear of still being alive.
And yet that fear in itself saved me.
Today I went and stood on that bridge again and smiled. I can remember the sadness I felt the last time I was there and I know I felt empty and desperate but I can't really remember how bad it was. But right now I'm holding onto the smiles from today.
In church this morning I was reminded of some special verses from Isaiah:
The LORD says, “Come, everyone who is thirsty — here is water! Come, you that have no money — buy corn and eat! Come! Buy wine and milk — it will cost you nothing! Why spend money on what does not satisfy? Why spend your wages and still be hungry? Listen to me and do what I say, and you will enjoy the best food of all.
Isaiah 55:1-2
And that's definitely worth remembering in this increasingly material world.
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