One of millions

I watched Sinead O'Connor's recent Facebook video this morning. If you havent seen it, be warned... there's a fair bit of swearing in it!

Part of me identified with her anger and upset. And part of me realised that's the sort of thing I throw at my friends and family. So, if you've ever been on the receiving end, please accept this as an apology.

But it brought home to me that a lot of people are still a bit crap at dealing with friends and family with mental health issues.  But I know that when I'm in that dark place I don't always know what I want people to do. Or say. Or can't think straight enough to tell them.

So here are some ideas. Things that help me anyway:

1. A hug. Some form of human contact can help to ground me. Holding my hands is also good.
2. A text or email. "How are you doing today?" reminds me that you care. Usually text is better than a phone call. I don't always want to talk but can read a text then reply in my own time.
3. Offers of practical help. Even making me a cuppa or getting some milk in for me.
4. Company. I might turn this down sometimes but please don't stop offering. Sometimes I desperately crave it but can't ask for it.
5. Care. This can be the tricky one. 1-4 can show you care but so can praying, a 'like' on Facebook, a smile, accepting my mood, tolerating another cancelled date, loving me even when I'm a complete cow and throw all your support back in your face.

Remember I'm only one of millions suffering with my mental health but I think  most of us will respond to these 5 tips.

If this helps even one person deal with someone's mental health issues better then it was worth writing. But it was worth writing anyway because it's helped me process stuff.

And what's really important is staying one of the millions and not giving into it.

Swings and Roundabouts

Mothers will get this. Sometimes depression is like labour. When you're in the midst of the pain it can be all-consuming and you can't see an end to it. But when it's over and you're holding your baby, the pain (or at least the intensity of it) becomes a distant memory.

I've had a great few weeks. Have felt invigorated, determined, refreshed, motivated. Depression was far away. How could I ever feel that bad? Life is too good to want to waste it!  But there have been some lows too within that time where all hope felt far away.  How could I ever feel that happy? What's the point of it all anyway?

Nearly 2 years ago I stood on a bridge crying. Life was hurting me. I couldn't find any strength. I felt that the cold water below held the answer. I was ready to leave everything behind. But something stopped me. The fear of failure. The fear of being saved. The fear of still being alive.

And yet that fear in itself saved me.

Today I went and stood on that bridge again and smiled.  I can remember the sadness I felt the last time I was there and I know I felt empty and desperate but I can't really remember how bad it was.  But right now I'm holding onto the smiles from today.

In church this morning I was reminded of some special verses from Isaiah:

The LORD says, “Come, everyone who is thirsty — here is water! Come, you that have no money — buy corn and eat! Come! Buy wine and milk — it will cost you nothing!  Why spend money on what does not satisfy? Why spend your wages and still be hungry? Listen to me and do what I say, and you will enjoy the best food of all.
Isaiah 55:1‭-‬2

And that's definitely worth remembering in this increasingly material world.