Mind over matter

Several years ago I did a short course of CBT. It was at the beginning of this recovery journey and looking back it wasn't the right thing for me at that point. But bits of it have stuck with me which is what's important I suppose.

CBT really focuses on the links between Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviours.  I used to (and still do sometimes if I'm honest) find it difficult to distinguish between the three.  I remember being told by a counsellor I saw about 15 years ago that Feelings are what they are - you can't help what you feel but accepting them is usually helpful. What CBT tried to teach me then was that it's how you respond to those Feelings that is important; what Thoughts or Behaviours those Feelings translate into that can determine the outcome.  Additionally, from Thoughts we have, what Feelings and Behaviours emanate.  The three things are closely intertwined and seemingly interdependent.

For some time now I've been working on putting a positive slant on things.  Looking for the positives could be really difficult at first but it really has got easier as time has gone on.  And sometimes the Feelings (or at least the Thoughts springing from those Feelings) are easier to control - I can sometimes override the negativity and think more positively.  I used to have to consciously stop myself thinking a certain way but it comes much more naturally now.

But what happens when things happen to seemingly wreck our positivity; when we feel the world is out to get us?  How we respond to external stimuli is key.  We can bow to it and suffer or we can stand up to it and say no.  I'm not going to pretend I always get it right but it's much easier now to not let a bad thing dictate my day.

A friend's teenage son told me today that he's never known me get angry about anything.  Bearing in mind he's seen me at some pretty low points in my life over the past few years I was initially surprised but thinking about it I've rarely got myself outwardly angry - I used to quietly seethe internally which was very destructive.  Nowadays I rarely even get inwardly angry either (unless it's about PIN numbers!) which I firmly believe is thanks to my more positive approach to life, limiting contact with people who drain my energy and letting go of "stuff" that doesn't matter.

I have occasional moments (including one in church this morning) when I forget all the crap that's going on and I find myself thinking "Life is good". I had a good tidy up in my house this week and a bit of decluttering and the house looks and feels better for it.  Much like I do.  I'm lucky to have had half term week off work and for once I actually feel refreshed and ready for a return to work tomorrow.  It feels awesome when choices we make really pay off!

So it really is all about mind over matter - warding off the negativity that tries so hard to take root. Sticking two fingers up at it and telling it where to go.  And that is honestly getting easier every day.