It occurred to me the other day that since I reduced my involvement with the Church, life has seemed a lot calmer. In fact looking back my struggles began around the same time I joined the Church youth group. Of course this could be coincidence and I'm not about to abandon my faith entirely but it's made me think about things a bit more.
The past 12 months have been both the worst and the best of my life. My parents' poor health and the loss of my dad have been very hard to cope with but I think it's no coincidence that the weekend dad first fell ill is when Jean first got in contact. I remember it so clearly. I'd just got back from a day at the hospital and was exhausted. I got an alert that someone new had messaged me and I logged on trying not to dare think it was anything to get excited about. I admit I don't remember the message but know it was short and sweet but I'llalways remember the waving bear gif! It made me smile. Which is exactly what I needed right then. And that, as they say, was that. It's not been a smooth 12 months by any means but we're strong together and do lovely stuff for and with each other. And without her love and support I just don't know how I'd have got through everything else this year has thrown at me. And I've been able to support her too which has been good, although of course we'd rather everything that has happened hadn't made it so necessary.
Going back to Church though, I think my faith is so personal that I just don't connect with structured (or even unstructured!) worship and the mechanics of it. Now I've never had any negativity towards me as a gay woman but I've noticed over the years that "Christians" can be very choosy about when, where, who and what they support. When I separated from my husband some Church friends were supportive and some (perhaps self consciously) distanced themselves from me. I wasn't invited to things. People supported him over me when they had known me longer. In some ways this is happening again now with a friendship. Christianity is about loving each other, not picking and choosing who you love.
For me, Church doesn't work any more. The Christian faith is shown through actions. A "how are you doing?" text. A hug. A note through my door. A "thinking about you" email. My friendship circle has got considerably smaller of late but it's made up of good friends. Friendships change over the years and there are people I don't talk to for ages but if I needed to, I'd knock on their door at 3am and know they'd be there with a hug and a cuppa.
There's a lot in the media about asking someone twice how they are. To find out how they really are. Because we're all good at saying "fine thanks" when what we mean is "actually I'm not feeling so great. Can I talk to you for a bit?"
So reach out to someone today. Send that text. Make that phone call. Write that email. That's how Christian (or any other faith's) love works. Anywhere, anytime, anyhow, anybody.
