Rational me versus irrational me.

You are going to get up and go for a nice long walk.

No I'm not. I cant be bothered.

You need to be bothered. It'll make you feel better.

What's the point?

When you feel better, you get things done. That makes you feel even more better.

Then I'll crash and feel shit again.

Ok well let's take it a step at a time.  Get up and make a cuppa.

Ok. 

</goes and makes cup of tea then remembers about it when it's gone cold>

What's the point?

But you got up and made it. You did something. What about breakfast?

Can't be bothered to make any.

There's always cold chow mein in the fridge.  That's better than nothing.

Ok.

Now how about a shower?

That really is too much effort right now.

Ok, that's fine, you can have one after your walk. Look your breakfast has given you enough energy to get dressed. Well done.  Now about that walk. Wouldn't it be good to have a long walk like you used to do. The Beeches perhaps or to the river?

It's raining.

Yes and now it's stopped raining.

It'll probably rain again in a minute.

It may well do. But being out in the rain doesn't normally worry you. 

Everyone is out having fun at Pub in the Park or Rock the Moor.  Who's going to care that I've had a walk?

You will. That's all that matters.

But I want to stay here and watch mindless videos on YouTube.

You can do that after your walk.

I should stay in and do some writing. You always say that makes me feel better.

Again, you can do that after your walk.

</eventually get out and walk less than a mile round the block>

That was pitiful.

But you got out and did it. It's all about the little wins. Celebrate that.

Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world- Brene Brown

So this week has been a bit tricky.  Have had some real low points but somehow turned it round. Some persistent friends have helped enormously and so last night it culminated in the writing of a song.

Now I'm not a stranger to writing songs; in my teenage years I was going to be an international superstar. No actually I don't think my dreams were ever that grand. But I wanted to write and perform my own songs.  And I wrote plenty.

Looking back, some of them were pretty rubbish but there are a few that I still like.  Performing has never really been a favourite thing of mine; well thinking about that, I'm happier performing my own stuff as I guess nobody knows if you go wrong. Or playing bass where you can hide at the back and look mean and moody. But the performance side of my Music A'Level and piano grades was where I fell down.

I went through a spell of writing some worship songs and we actually sang one of my compositions at a youth service about 27 years ago. It remains one of my favourites.  In more recent years I've tried to write more but it's not happened. It's sounded trite, I wasn't inspired, just didn't happen.

Until last night. I appreciate that many of my readers are not Christians but I'm just putting it out there as it's part of who I am.  Obviously this is a rough recording and it's not perfect but that's the point.

I hope you enjoy it.

https://youtu.be/YzQm9pKpTXU